You Know You're Korean If...

• The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.
• You have rocks, sticks, leaves, deer antlers, and strange smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use in medicine.
• You own a rice cooker or two.
• You buy soy sauce by the gallon.
• Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
• You live with your Hal-moh-nee.
• You parents own a liquor store, dry cleaner, or some kind of discount store.
• You drive a lowered, fixed up Integra, eclipse, or some kind of Honda.
• You never tip over 15%.
• You hate Denny's, even though you go there 24-7.
• You love Sanrio stuff.
• You have a pager.
• You do that twirling thing with you pen.
• You always have a box of Sapporo Ichiban ramyun or Yook-eh-jang.
• Even though your family isn't super rich, you own a Mercedes or Lexus.
• You bring home all A's and one B, and your parents yell, "Why did you get a B?"
• There is a 75% chance that you'll marry someone with the same last name .
• White people always say, "Say my name in Korean!"
• When you have a family gathering, 50 little kids are running around your house, and YOU have to entertain them.
• You can't stand Margaret Cho (that actress on All American Girl).
• When the bill comes, you practically beat each other up- saying that YOU'LL pay for the bill.
• When you were in Junior High, you were either a nerd or a little "kkang ppeh" wannabe.
  Your parents say, "The reason why we came to America was so that you could get a good education, so go to Harvard."
• You either have to be a doctor, lawyer, or some big-time business tycoon.
• Your parents say, "1600 isn't that hard... just study."
• When some mega-mega nerd student is in the Korean newspaper, your parents say, "why can't you be like him?"
• If you're a guy, then you always have to put up with the "20 questions" game when you call a girl if her parents answer but if you're smart, you ask, "Um hello? Is Bob there?
• No matter how well your parents speak English, they can't say "wood."
• Your dad hits you in the head with his knuckle, and it hurts REALLY REALLY bad.
• Your parent's idea of a social life is church.
• You have a container full of Kim-Chee in your fridge right now.
• You own a pair of BYC socks.
• You or your parents start singing when drunk.
• You have the Asian decals stuck to your car.
• Your parents are still shorter than you.
• You call a Korean older than you "oppa" or "nuna."
• You make daily stops to the local "Hello Kitty" store.
• You know the "san-toki" song.
• Your dad owns plaid pants.
• You or your parents hand wash underwear.
• "No-Rae Bang" is a common household word.
• There's a bottle of Soju in your parents' fridge.
• Your main source of income is New Years.
• Your parents think anything goes with rice.
• The rice you eat can stick to anything.
• You can't believe your parents could have conceived children.
• Your parents still spank you, even when you move out.
• Failing a class means finding a new place to live.
• Your mom rents Korean soap operas and watches them daily.
• You have naked baby pictures of you.
• Your parents read the labels of everything to see if it was made in Korea.
• When you were little, relatives used to grab your genitals or breasts.
• Your parents yell out your Korean name REAL loud in public places.
• Ramen is the fifth food group.
• You have to translate for your parents when ordering fast food.
• Your parents are afraid of black people.
• Your parents bought a gun after the L.A. riots.
• Your parents used to cut your hair Okidoki.
• You tell your parents you need to buy glue for school, but they reply, "just use rice!"
• People ask, "Hey, show me some Jackie Chan moves!".
• When someone points you out, they say "that one Chinese girl (or guy)."
• Your parents were ecstatic when the 88 Olympics were held in Korea.
• You know how to do the "kimchi squat."
• If you're a guy- you talk about fixing up the car that you will never have.
• Even though you can't watch TV, your parents rent a million Korean videos and watch them continuously for hours on end.
• Your parents took the TV out of the house.
• Your mom sings chan-son-gahs (hymns) while driving.
• Your grandmother sings chan-son-gahs really loud, while pounding her thigh, which is TOTALLY off beat.
• You have a million black leather bibles.
• Even though your parents are die-hard Christians, they don't want you getting TOO involved with church.
• When you ask your parents if you can go out, they either reply "No" or "hmph" which means yes.
• You go out two Fridays in a row, and they yell that you go out too much.
• You have one of those silver kimhi-ttongs with buckles on the sides.
• You have a gazillion small containers in your fridge with a different ban-chan inside. but even though it smells pretty raunchy, you still eat it.
• When an Asian girl with a white guy (or vice versa) walks by, your parents STARE at them with their eyes popping out.
• When you go to buffets, your parents make you eat until you think you're going to hurl, and even after you do, they say, "good, eat more."
• Your parents yell at you for being short, but they're the ones that gave you the short genes.
• Your parents raise their hand as if they're going to hit you, and you totally shudder, shrinking back.
• The main reason why you want to go to college out of state is that you can get away from your parents.
• When you go to church retreats, you long for some good ol' Korean cooking.
• You have the ability to tell the different Asians apart (i.e. Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese).
• You go to American restaurants, and your dad eats really wide and rudely, so you put your head down while whispering, "apppaaahhhhh stooopp!"
• Your parents make you work at their business (i.e. liquor store, cleaners, discount store).
• You bring home a white friend, and your parents immediately think that he/she sleeps around, uses drugs, and parties 24-7.
• Your parents have absolutely no color sense, wearing totally mismatched clothes.
• Your parents verbally abuse you, even when joking around.
• Your parents never attended your Back to School Night or Open House at school.
• Your mom is the BEST cook!
• When your mom hears or watches something sad, she'll make this repeated sound really fast like "tte" a million times a minute.
• When you're sick, your mom will pink inside of your elbow REALLY hard, saying you have a digestion problem or something.
• Your parents were supposed to get a divorce many times, but they never did for the children's sake, financial problems, or simply because, "what would we tell church people?"
• Your parents will be helping you with a math problem, but when you get something wrong, they'll start yelling and swearing at you so loud, as if you just committed some deadly crime.
• Summer does not mean playtime to your parents. Summer means-bust out those workbooks so you can get ahead in class!
• Kumon is a household word.
• Whenever guests come over, your parents make you whip out your
  violin/piano skills.
• When guests are leaving your house, you have to stand outside your house saying bye to them, not to mention bowing a gazillion times.
• You'll go to a movie with your parents, and afterwards, they'll say "I don't understand."
• Your parents never participated in the "American" traditions of Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. You'll say, "Where's Santa Claus?" and they'll reply, "Santa Claus! Ptch! He's dead!" And then you'll start crying.
• When you had your first loose tooth, your parents promised to not to pull it out but just to LOOK at it, but when they did, they just yanked the baby out.
• You'll buy a shirt full price, and your parents will yell, "What! You could have bought that for $2 at the swap meet!"
• You're going out with a friend and your parents need to know their name, where they live, their phone #, what their parents do for a living, what kind of grades they get, what they got on their SATs, how they dress, if they go to church, and if they're male or female.
• After you're get off the phone with someone from the opposite sex, your parents will start interrogating you about that person (except the last one). You'll talk to someone from the opposite sex two days in a row, and your parents immediately think there's something going on.
• You bring home straight As, and your parents say, "So? You're supposed to get that!"
• When I was in Korea...."
• When you get a car, the only places you're supposed to go is school, the library, and maybe the grocery store to do grocery shopping for them.
• When the doorbell rings, your parents get ALL suspicious and prohibit you from answering it. When they do answer it, they'll open the crack like 1 centimeter and speak through that. And if it's a salesperson, they'll slam the door screaming, "we no interest!"
• Your mom will laugh with her hand covering her mouth.
• You'll be somewhere with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and then you'll see an adult from church, so you immediately start freaking out.
• You had to miss out on Saturday morning cartoons as a child, attending dreaded Korean School.
• While on long car trips, your parents will get bored, so they'll think about something that bugs them, and start bugging you. (i.e., Why is your room so messy! Why do you always fight with your siblings! Why do you always go out so much!)
• You have a mini-van which your mom drives.
• Your parents will be yelling at you (or each other) and in the middle of all the raucus, will close the windows so that the neighbors won't hear.
• You never feed your dog dog food but all your leftovers.
• You'll be cooking kalbi outside, and neighbors will ask what the aroma is.
• You think EVERYTHING is racial, like if someone is mildly rude to you.
• When a fixed up Japanese car drives by, you can't help but look to see who's driving.
• You go to church retreats to meet people from the opposite sex.